WARLORDS OF PEZ
Warlords - supercool cybernetic constructs who eat lightning and shit
magic, are the brainchild of Doctor Burglestein, deranged intergalactic
genius.Their Sole Purpose: the annihilation of all intelligent beings
unfortunate enough to cross their paths. These handsome hooded anti-heroes
by means of their own particular brand of Sonic Terrorism intend to wipe
the collective smiles from the faces of ALL MANKIND and bring about the
end of civilisation as we know it.
A career of numerous sell out shows comprising appearances in the Olympia Theatre supporting Jack Black's Tenacious D, touring with japanese punk pop outfit Mika Bomb and supporting American rock group Bobby Conn has seen the Warlords earn the respect of both the fickle music industry and the relatively pointless & unappealing Irish Art/College scene in tandem. Two consecutive years curating shows for the Dublin Fringe Festival have helped concrete this parasitic relationship with the artistic community. Big Deal. Other highlights include shows at Electric Picnic, Witnness, ATP (All Tomorrow's Parties, DJ set), MOR Festival, Lark in the Park and numerous charitable events in aid of causes such as Rape Crisis & Sudden Infant Cot-Death.
In a lucky twist for the nation in general the Warlords will be releasing their double A-side single ("Old Women With Broadband" / "Monster Voice") on Irish Indie label Trust Me I'm A Thief in September followed by their brand stinking new album which shall be receiving its launch at Hallowe'en 2006.
Ladies & Gentlemen, meet the Warlords of Pez:
Turbo Apocalypse is a consummate showman obsessed with the glitz and glammer of rock stardom, and the taste of human flesh. His onstage antics have been known to cause women to swoon, and continents to spontaneously erupt into a sea of molten lava, causing the deaths of millions. Especially the women, who are too busy swooning to plan any kind of effective escape strategy. His raw sexual magnetism is offset by the fact that he has no willy.
Deepspace Donkeybite is widely regarded as the biggest cunt in the universe. He insists on piloting the Pez rocket even though he's only on his second provisional licence, and has a habit of flying it into stars, causing them to go supernova.The sound of his singing voice can send people into spastic fits, and is so loud it doesn't need to be amplified. The only reason he holds a microphone is to have something to do with his hands so he doesn't constantly fondle his enormous balls.
Avoid Max Megadoom at costs; really.
Evil genius Doctor Burglestein was banished eons ago to the inhospitable planet Pez for war crimes, crimes against humanity, alienity and robotity. And partly because of his unholy odour. The stinky madman set about creating an army of sinister genetic super-mutants to wreak his revenge on the universe. His brain sits in a jar in his laboratory on Planet Pez, his thoughs beamed to his body via wireless broadband. Occasionally the connection goes down, turning him into a gibbering, twitching lunatic. No one ever seems to notice the difference.
Deklekon Doombringer, a monster of such unimaginable evil even the other Warlords are a bit scared of him. His face is so nightmarishly deformed his mask had to be nailed to his face. Strange gasses and liquids emanate from every orifice of his body, and he has a lot of them. He can play the guitar just like he's ringing a bell, and he can ring a bell just like he's making a sandwich. His sandwiches consist mostly of spiders. His thirst for blood and L. casei immunitas knows no bounds. Whatever you do, do not lend him money.
is constantly letting his voracious sexual appetite get in the way of
his guitar playing and Warlording.
Apocalypse first emerged from his birthing chamber, his
willy got caught in the door and was cleanly severed. Not one to let any
part of his creations go to waste, no matter how small, Doctor Burglestein
took the tiny member and used it to clone an entirely new Warlord. Enter
Kidmeat, quite literarly a little prick.
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